Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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