On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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