My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
