Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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