Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
