I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
