Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
