Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
it's like iHOP with fire
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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