It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
