Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
