Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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