You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize