No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
