What did we do last night that was yellow?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
