There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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