remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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