Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
