my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
