how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
