woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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