i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
