I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
