it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
not ubering you a puppy
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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