You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
