awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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