I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
