I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
