best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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