I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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