Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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