For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
