i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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