As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
