Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
