Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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