Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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