Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
