Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
