Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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