Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
