Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
