is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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