Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize