Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
