Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
