If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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