we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
