my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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