I just cut my nipple shaving
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
