Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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