Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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