So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
