Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Im part way to drunk.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
