Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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