I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
