Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
