DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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