You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I want is dick and wine.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
