wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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