just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
