It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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