Where are you?
In a non slutty way
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
