So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
