I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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