My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
