I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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