how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
