i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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