There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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