He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
