I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
